Adventure Travel (IV).
By Doug Sassaman
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|"You can't stop the wind or turn off the sun, nor can you stop a bored nine-month-old baby, strapped in the back seat like Hannibal Lector, from crying. Back when I was a kid, my brothers and I were free to roam and leap from seat to seat like a bunch of chimpanzees, but today's world takes no chances.
We never entertain for a second the idea of taking her out and holding her. I'd crash into a phone pole straight away, and if we survived, Emma would be scuttled off to a foster home.
There are two ways to deal with a meltdown of this proportion. The first is to drive like the Devil himself. Don't stop for lights, ignore signage, and assume any flashing red lights behind you are Demon Dogs on the chase. It ends the torture faster, but legal fees and representation can be expensive. The other option is to jam on the brakes, preferably in front of a Dairy Queen. Air the kid out, and let her burn some fuel by romping around on the pristine floors of the DQ while you stuff your gob with a Peanut Buster Parfait. No guarantees on containment, reactor leakage may continue when you put the plutonium back in the isolation chamber."
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