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Secrets Of Effective Communication (IV).

By Debra Cohen, LCSW.

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It's good to notice these reactions so they can be talked about and resolved. Talking about them works well to resolve the frustration, anger, hurt and other dark feelings that might develop if left unchecked. If both persons want to change, and are tired of this pattern in the relationship, then trust and new habits can be created.

Healthy Communication:

In summary, always try to notice and discuss the patterns that emerge, rather than let anger or bitterness build up. Don't accuse your partner. Share your impression, but listen and hear him/her out, as well. It's easy to get into the habit of accusation and fault finding, but this is ultimately unproductive. By practicing a new way of conversing, healthier routines can grow, which lead to more openness, humor and genuine caring. The result is that each person feels understood and appreciated.

Sometimes, it helps to know when to 'blow the whistle' if a conversation gets too heated. It can be good to take a walk and talk later if the discussion seems to be spinning in circles. Making an effort is always an inspiration to the other person.

Unfortunately, it's easy to become stubborn and wait for the other person to put forth the effort, but making the first move yourself will enrich your relationship and pay you back richly.

About the Author:

Debra Cohen is a licensed social worker in NY and Florida, specializing in individual and marital therapy with a holistic approach. Visit 'The Center for Self-Awareness' at http://www.freeyellow.c om/members2/selfawareness/ For a free copy of 'Stress Reduction to Cultivate the Neutral Mind' send an email to

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